Leaning Into

I heard the birds.  I could tell it was light outside.  It was morning.  He wasn’t beside me.  I heard noises coming from downstairs.  As I struggled to get my eyes open, I saw a sweet face and a hand with a small glass of orange juice in it.  I have not been well the last two days and Scott was there, first thing, to check on me.  Sure, he probably wanted to know what the damage was first thing, but also he was there for me.  He cares for me.  I grunted and grimaced.  Inside, I was smiling.  Although my throat felt like there was a fire within it, my heart was just as warm.

We have quite a partnership now.  After eleven years of marriage and four children, there has been a lot of give and take.  I feel like we are constantly leaning into one another.  I rely on Scott daily.  I go to him for laughter, for acceptance, partnership with parenting, strength, comfort, lightheartedness, care, affirmation, intimacy, support, togetherness, romance and love. There are countless other ways I lean into him.  He looks to me for encouragement, love, nourishment, affirmation, help in parenting, respect, intimacy, companionship, kindness and care.  I think it would be fair to say there are other ways he may lean into me as well.  🙂

I love that when he saw me this morning, he didn’t just ask how I was.  He complimented me.  He told me I was beautiful even when I was sick.  I rely on that.  He consistently loves me.

The Indigo Girls said it well within their lyrics of Thin Line with It’s a thin line between pleasing yourself and pleasing somebody else.  Isn’t that so true?  I am always looking for ways to love Scott.  It comes naturally for me, because I have such a connection with him that runs deep.  I really like it when he needs me.  When he leans into me for something, I am glad I am the one that gets to be there for him.  There is a thin line though, right?   If I meet that need, he is loved well and in turn shows me love.  We are attached within this web of love that we have spun.  Sure, sometimes we get tangled and misunderstood.  We stay determined and committed.  Love wins.

Now, I don’t want you leaving this post singing Lean on Me.  That wasn’t my intention.  I like reflecting on my marriage and experiences.  Maybe for you, think about who leans into you.  Are you consistently there?  Who do you lean into?  Do you appreciate them and show them how deeply you care for them?  I am challenged to do so.

Tonight, when Scott gets home from the class he has taught, he’ll most likely help me corral our children up to do their bedtime business (as we call it).  We’ll give each other sweet glances.  I’ll tell him how I’m feeling.  He’ll help calm any chaos.  He’ll read to each of the kids just after I do.  We’ll flirt as we pass each other.  We’ll meet one another downstairs.  I’ll collapse on the couch.  He will more than likely cozy up to me.  I will greet him in a warm way.  He’ll ask me about my day, he’ll listen and then massage my feet while he tells me about his day as I listen intently.  It’s a give and take that I love and count on.


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