A Pain I Never Knew

We didn’t see it coming today.  Our foster baby was taken and placed in the home of one of her family’s closest friends.  The shock of this news was hard to take.  But this is part of fostering a child.  I knew that it would be difficult if we had to let a child leave our home, but I have never felt pain like this.

We are thankful for the past several weeks we were able to love and nurture this sweet baby girl.  It was an experience like none other for our family.  We will never be the same.

I am trying to think positively about how this is unfolding.  However, the tears keep welling and I find myself thinking about what I would be doing if she were here.  Like now, I would be either rocking her to sleep or waiting for her to wake for her next feeding.  I am sad.  I feel kind of numb.

Scott is by my side.  Literally, he is kneeling by the computer chair and asking me what I need.  This is going to make us stronger, I keep thinking.

Today there was mention that our foster baby may need some daytime care during the week, and I was asked if I was interested in helping.  At first the thought seemed too painful to bear, but now, all I can think of is that I just want to see her again.

This week has an underlining theme for me.  Letting go is difficult and heart wrenching.  No one can prepare you for the hole in your stomach that comes when you wave goodbye and simply let go.

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8 thoughts on “A Pain I Never Knew

  1. Leah says:

    Oh, Sweet Anna, this just broke my heart! God really has you in a season of change! I’m praying for you, Mama. You’ve had to let go of too many babies this week. Praying He’ll be so gentle with your tender heart! Love you! Leah

  2. oh friend, i can not imagine the emotional trauma of your week! it sounds just awful on so many levels. my heart literally hurts right now for you.

    all at once.

    what a hard brutal week. keep writing and drinking good tea and giving yourself grace and hanging out with your little man still at home.

    i will be praying for you across the oceans . . .

    love you guys.

  3. Kim Freeman says:

    it sounds like you have delt with so much letting go this week, my heart aches for you. I pray that God would give you His peace that passes all understanding and that He would guard your heart and mind in Him. I am certain He will use these trials to make you mature, complete and not lacking anything. I know that doesn’t make going through them any easier, but I pray you will rest in the hope that our trials as believers are never in vain.

  4. Julie says:

    Oh, sweet Anna,
    Sending you a big hug. She is a fortunate little girl to have had all of you to love and take care of her. You provided just the nurturing and care she needed. Praying for God’s peace and comfort to flood your lives right now.

  5. Brooke says:

    My goodness, what an emotional week you have had! Hang in there, God is still very much in control of it all.
    Love,
    Brooke

  6. Hey Anna,
    Wow…what a week of huge changes and losses for you. Thank you so much for sharing your life so openly.
    Hugs to you & your family,
    Melanie

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