Still Holding On

Today should have been a court date.  The case was continued, and we will wait another month for our foster children’s case to go to court (again).  The tragedy that occurred and warranted the removal of our foster children from their home happened almost one year ago (January 2011).

Within these months, our family has met each court date with expectancy.  The process of fostering children awaiting to be reunified with their biological family is lengthy.  There are many factors that have to be addressed in separate court sessions.

It is hard not knowing where these two will end up.  Will they return to their mother?  Will her rights be terminated?  Will she be given even more time to become more responsible and established?  Will the kids be put up for adoption?  Would we be asked to adopt them?  Will we have to pack up all their belongings and say goodbye?  Could we possibly become a family of eight for good?  We just keep holding on, praying and hoping for the best.

A part of me wants for this wounded family to be reunified.  Every birth mother should be able to raise her own children.  Then, I think of the abuse and neglect that our foster children endured and my heart breaks.  I am tempted to want to be in control of their future and be their forever mama.

It is difficult being The Other Mother. (I have decided that would be a great title for a book.  Maybe I will take a crack at that one day.)   I try my best to treat M & S like they are our own.  I am fully present as their mother.  I am the one they come to when they are hurting.  I feed, bathe, change, and read to them daily.  I can tell you everything you could ever want to know about them.  I know them.

The role I play as a foster mother is complex, but it is a privilege.  M & S have taught me about love, joy, sacrifice, brokenness, and the importance of affection and family.  They are needy children and deserve stability and a promising future.

We continue to wait in hope.  We know our time together now is sacred.  We choose to be thankful and hold on to each other’s hands trusting that God will guide us through these uncertain moments that make up this fostering journey.

We rejoice because within this next month, as we await the court date, we get to celebrate M & S’s separate birthdays and share the Christmas season together!

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One thought on “Still Holding On

  1. Oh how I relate…It was our world for almost 4 years…hard to believe we’re not in it anymore…I still have a soft spot in my heart for their other mother & father, wanting them to heal….

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